You don't have asthma, your pregnant
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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