when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
