porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
