The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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