she was so not down for the gang bang
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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