Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
