I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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