remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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