I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
