Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
