I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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