Whod you bang
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
