I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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