If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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