lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
