Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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