Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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