i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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