You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is Oprah even human
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
