I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
