i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
