i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't turn off my feet"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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