the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
