at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
