We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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