Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
