think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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