it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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