You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And then he peed in my hair
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