Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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