ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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