the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
