its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
