my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
