I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
