my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
