That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
