Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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