UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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