the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
