So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
