a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
