Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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