look no pants
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
