Im at strip club and am horny
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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