My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize