idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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