This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
