I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
