So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
