Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
