So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
