i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's always time for handjobs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
