I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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