I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
