i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
