pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
