I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
