after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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