im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
