not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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