Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
