Porn is love you can see.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
