If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
