I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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