Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
