listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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