im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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