Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
