i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
