Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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