you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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