in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
