Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just googled if crying burns calories
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I AM VODKA MAN
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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