she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
