Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
