Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
