i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
