you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
