So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
